HANABA
MUNN
WELCH
In a world of scams and schemes, nothing beats a weight-loss diet for broad appeal. They come and go. Some even work.
Have you heard about the Topo Chico Diet? I hope not. That would mean someone beat me to my idea. The plan: I, myself, lose weight drinking Topo Chico. Then, I sell my Topo Chico Diet. Capital “D” for “Diet” will help – a touch that makes the plan sound like it’s for real, hence marketable. Yes, there’s power in capitalization. If I were a middle school English teacher, that’s what I’d teach my students – energetic boys especially. I’d say capital letters are dynamite. Use them judiciously.
Meanwhile, how does the Topo Chico Diet work? Just for you, my readers, here’s the secret: At suppertime, instead of caving into your hunger pangs, just reach for a cold one – a bottle of chilled, bubbly Topo Chico mineral water. Pop off the cap. Drink. Don’t eat.
That’s really all there is to it. No need to buy my yet-to-be-written Topo Chico Diet book. Oh well.
So, why is the water called Topo Chico? Because it flows from mountain springs near Topo Chico, a mole-shaped hill in the vicinity of Monterrey, Mexico, “topo” being the Spanish word for “mole.” Who knew? Makes sense. Our lawn “topo”graphy is dictated by moles.
Since 1895, the effervescent spring water has been bottled and sold as Topo Chico. Not only does the agua have bubbles, at least by the time it’s bottled, but it’s also imbued with its own legend. If you’re gonna sell water, legends help. Agencies like the FDA can’t regulate legends.
The story: An Aztec princess became ill. Her father could find no cure for his beautiful daughter. (In such legends, the daughters are always beautiful.) Then, someone told him about the healing waters of a mountain spring many days’ journey to the north.
The princess made the long trek. She bathed in the water and drank it, hopefully not in that order. She regained her health. You’ll find her image on every bottle of Topo Chico mineral water. Squint. You’ll see her there, kneeling and drinking.
A Texas version of that story is one I heard about Medicine Mound, the tallest of the landmark mounds south of U.S. 287 in Hardeman County. The beloved daughter of an Indian chief – maybe Comanche, maybe not – became ill. Someone told the chief about a spring at Medicine Mound. She made the journey, drank the water and regained her health.
So which legend came first? RESEARCH PAUSE. Google “daughter of chief healed spring water,” and you’ll end up in Arkansas. At Eureka Springs, a Sioux princess supposedly regained her sight after bathing her eyes in water from Basin Spring.
Standard legend. I’m tempted to change my plan and sell magic diet water from the spring on our farm. I can get by without bubbles. I just need a legend.
PAUSE TO THINK. “Once upon a time there was a beautiful, overweight Indian princess ….”